´Twas The Night
Before Christmas, (Legally Speaking)
Whereas, on or about the night prior to
Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property
(hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein,
including, but not limited to a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and
around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/
St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime
thereafter.
The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located
in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e.
dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to,
candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said
dreams.
Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as
"I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the
second part (hereinafter referred to as "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for
a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various
forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)
Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the
unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e. the lawn,
a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of
the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the
cause of such disturbance.
At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of
wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter referred to as "the
Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by
approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the vehicle appeared to be and
in fact was the previously referenced Claus.
Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the
approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-
conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and
Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further
asserted that an additional co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been
involved.)
The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer
intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences
located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle
was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or
nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or
implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the
chimney.
Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit,
which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a
large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other
unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in
blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.
Said Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stockings of the
minor occupants, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small
gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minors pursuant
to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.) Upon completion of such
task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the
chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served
as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.
However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House,
the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim:
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words substantially to that
effect.
Merry Christmas.
(With Thanks to the Unknown Author)
The information on this website is for general discussion only
and is not to be
considered as legal advice.
Consult an attorney in your area if you have legal questions.
If you are in Southern New Jersey, please feel free to
contact us.
G. Philip Lewis, Esq. 105 Stockington Road, Woodstown, NJ 08098
856-769-3322
